


Let You Down

by CinderSpots



Series: Six Lesbian One Shots [59]
Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Abuse, Attempted Suicide, Child Abuse, Cussing, F/F, Hospitalization, Jane is the blonde girl with the crutch, Parrlyn is minor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:15:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CinderSpots/pseuds/CinderSpots
Summary: Feels like we're on the edge right nowI wish that I could say I'm proudI'm sorry that I let you downLet you downAll these voices in my head get loudI wish that I could shut them outI'm sorry that I let you downLet you down
Relationships: Anne Boleyn/Catherine Parr
Series: Six Lesbian One Shots [59]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800325
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	Let You Down

_ Feels like we're on the edge right now _

_ I wish that I could say I'm proud _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ I let you down _

Anne always feels like she’s a push away from falling off a cliff. Just one tiny little push is all that it would take to get her to jump, to her death that is. And she’s always known who was going to be the one who pushed her over the edge.

Her father.

Her sister was cruel, unnaturally cruel in fact, she could make Anne cry in seconds, but in the end Anne would see the guilt. How bad she felt when Anne was crying. She knew when her sister would come at night, with the first aid kit, and she’d bandage her up. The next morning she’d be cruel again, but Anne knew she wanted nothing to do with her father, and this was just a mask she put on to survive.

Her brother was blinded by her father and had absolutely no idea how apathetic her father truly was.

Her mother was a woman of the night, and an utter slut for lack of the better word. So there was no comfort there whatsoever.

But her father.

Her father was the most ruthless, cruel, apathetic man she ever knew, and would ever know. He’s manipulative ways pushed her to absolute tears, made her date a predator rapist, was the reason behind her cutting, the reason behind her depression, the reason she could never date a man ever again without seeing his looming enraged face, the reason behind everything.

Her father was always going to be the one who pushed her off the edge, and make her kill herself.

His disappointment rang clearly through the halls of their house, it was big, they were rich, but Anne hated her life more than life itself.

_ All these voices in my head get loud _

_ I wish that I could shut them out _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ Let you down _

She always let her father down, that much she knew with certainty. There was no doubt about it, she wasn’t good enough in his eyes, she wasn’t as smart as Mary, and she wasn’t a capable male like George.

She talked to much, was too witty, wasn’t smart enough, and she was gay.

The worst thing was maybe that she was gay. Oh he got so much worse when he found out she was gay. And already had someone she liked.

Cathy Parr, her full name was Catherine, but she liked to be called Cathy because Catherine reminded her of her mother who used to be kind but now was distant and most certainly a drunk.

No Anne wasn’t stalking her. (just a little bit)

Even when he wasn’t there, in her head he was. Whispering hurtful things in her ear all day, to the point that she burst into tears randomly in Physics.

_ Yeah, I guess I'm a disappointment _

_ Doing everything I can _

_ I don't wanna make you disappointed _

_ It's annoying _

Anne tried her hardest to please her father, even though she knew she would never be enough in his eyes, she still tried her hardest to get the grade, to be quieter.

She always failed.

She couldn’t stop the clap backs from flying from her mouth, it was easy for her to defend herself smartly, to be sarcastic in any situation, and it was too difficult for her to silence that side of her.

Sometimes it infuriated her, because she was trying. And he was just dismissing her because he favored her other siblings more.

_ I just wanna make you feel like everything I ever did _

_ Was never tryna make an issue for you _

_ But, I guess the more you thought about everything _

_ You were never even wrong in the first place, right? _

_ Yeah, I'ma just ignore you, walking towards you _

_ With my head down, lookin' at the ground I'm embarrassed for you _

_ Paranoia, what did I do wrong this time? That's parents for you _

Her father always managed to slip one thing into every conversation, every argument, every scolding. 

“Why are you always trying to make my life harder?!”

She wasn’t, but he refused to believe her when she said that. In fact when she brought it up he would sneer. The first time she said it to him he actually thought about it which she thought boded well for her, but the next day he came back and called her liar, claiming he’d been right all along and now all doubt was cleared from his mind.

When the family went on outings Anne was to be in the very back, so there was a low chance someone would notice her and peg her as a Boleyn, her father so embarrassed of her that he insisted she was a maid.

And then out of nowhere he’d be mad at her, to the point where she’d ask what she’d done wrong, which was nothing.

_ Very loyal? Shoulda had my back but you put a knife in it _

_ My hands are full, what else should I carry for you? _

_ I cared for you, but _

Mary came up to her one day, smiling, because father was out, she could be herself but Anne glared at her, with dead eyes.

‘You fucking betrayed me’ she’d said. She had no emotion in her voice when she said it, no sadness, no fear, no anger, nothing. Mary looked at her, shocked at the way she looked and talked. She’d asked what was wrong and Anne had laughed hollowly and said - ‘Me’

When father came back he demanded Anne carry everything inside, and when she came back he’d legitimately asked why she hadn’t carried everything in at once. Anne stared at him in genuine confusion before replying that she couldn’t carry anymore and that she’d just go back.

Mary had been watching from the side, still horrified at the response Anne had given her. She walked forward and offered to help, doing something kind for once in her life. Her father shut her down immediately, telling her it was Anne’s duty, because she was their maid.

Anne broke everything she had in her hand, a grin set in place when she muttered an innocent ‘oops’

_ Feels like we're on the edge right now _

_ I wish that I could say I'm proud _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ Let you down _

Which was obviously a mistake on her part since she had to get Mary to go out and buy a whole lot of foundation so she could cover her bruises the next day for school.

One step closer, dangerously close to teetering over the edge.

Mary seemed to notice more and more how Anne slowly died inside, how she had no effort to actually do something, to try, to live anymore. She apologized to Anne once. Said she was sorry for letting her down, and Anne stared at her before turning and walking away, not bothering to respond to her at all.

_ All these voices in my head get loud _

_ I wish that I could shut them out _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ Let you down _

Jump, jump, jump, jump.

The voices screamed while she ate on the roof, tired of Mary’s apologies, and tired of the whispers and stares of her classmates as her health obviously went down.

A girl, blonde, came up and sat with her one day, she had a crutch and Anne had half a mind to ask her why she had it.

Eventually the girl showed her hand, noticing Anne’s curious stare.

“I jumped off this roof.”

Anne stared at her shocked.

“Wouldn’t recommend it.” She added before standing with her crutch and wobbling away, leaving Anne to ponder alone.

_ Yeah, you don't wanna make this work _

_ You just wanna make this worse _

_ Want me to listen to you _

_ But you don't ever hear my words _

_ You don't wanna know my hurt, yet _

One day Anne finally snapped.

“I’m never gonna be good enough, so why should I even bother?”

Everyone in the house stared at her in shock, as her gravelly voice, from either screaming in pain and lack of use, rang through the halls as she stared up at her father who had his fist raised and ready to hit her.

George came down and finally saw what his father did to his older sister, he immediately burst into tears at the sight of it, under the impression that his father was a good person.

Mary ran over, picked him up, and carried him back upstairs while father stared after them at a loss for words. He turned back to Anne, furious that she (confusingly considering he was the one trying to hit her) had showed his son how much of a monster he truly was.

She ended up in the hospital.

_ Let me guess _

_ You want an apology, probably _

_ How can we keep going at a rate like this? _

_ We can't, so I guess I'ma have to leave _

When he came to ‘visit’ her, she stared at him. She knew what he wanted, he wanted her to apologize to him for what he did, because obviously it was her fault and she made him do what he did.

Obviously.

She told him to go fuck himself.

_ Please don't come after me _

_ I just wanna be alone right now, I don't really wanna think at all _

When he left she slipped out of her hospital gown and back into her own clothes that Mary most likely left and she snuck out of the hospital, making her way to the highway, ready for what was to come.

_ Go ahead, just drink it off _

_ Both know you're gonna call tomorrow like nothing's wrong _

She doesn’t bother picking up the phone when Mary calls, knowing it was some apology that would mean nothing in a few days, hours, minutes, or seconds.

_ Ain't that what you always do? _

She was always like that, a survivor at heart, but Anne - no - Anne was always the hero, the idiot hero that just couldn’t stop.

_ I feel like every time I talk to you _

_ You're in an awful mood _

_ What else can I offer you? _

_ There's nothing left right now, I gave it all to you _

Eventually Mary hit voicemail, Anne listened with mild curiosity as Mary spoke, begging for her to come back, to come back to the hospital because she was hurt.

She was going to be a lot more hurt in a few minutes, irreparable damage was about to be done because she was about to be dead.

_ Feels like we're on the edge right now _

_ I wish that I could say I'm proud _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ Let you down _

It took surprisingly long to make it to the highway, although maybe it was because her leg was definitely inhibited due to getting the hist beaten out of her.

Anne walked, and walked, and walked, and walked, forever. She was still walking thirty minutes later, and she groaned when she finally did make it to the highway. Looking towards oncoming traffic she startled as the cars whizzed by.

Maybe this would be really painful.

_ All these voices in my head get loud _

_ I wish that I could shut them out _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ Let you down _

Anne shook her head in distress, having already made her mind up about not killing herself this way.

“Fuck my life, where else am I supposed to do this?”

_ Yeah, don't talk down to me _

_ That's not gonna work now _

_ Packed all my clothes and I moved out _

_ I don't even wanna go to your house _

Mary called again and this time Anne picked up.

“What.”

“Please come back! I’m your sister, I know what’s best for you and the hospital is what’s best for you-”

“Fuck off Mary, you don’t tell me what to do anymore, and soon nobody will.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Her fearful voice came over the phone.

“You know what it means.”

“No! Don’t -”

Anne hung up.

_ Everytime I sit on that couch I feel like you lecture me _

_ Eventually, I bet that we could have made this work _

_ And probably woulda figured things out _

_ But I guess I'm a letdown _

Anne thinks about her little brother, he would probably be sad that she was dead but he’d get over it. After all, to them, she was just the maid.

She wonders if she ever would’ve told Cathy about her crush on her, and if maybe the quiet girl would like her back.

She thinks not.

Anne shrugs it off, pretending to not feel the sting of another letdown, this time letting herself down. Which was somehow worse.

_ But it's cool, I checked out _

_ Oh, you wanna be friends now? _

_ Okay, let's put my fake face on and pretend now _

_ Sit around and talk about the good times _

“No!”

Anne startled, she had walked to the school, decided that jumping off would be the best course of action, although she certainly hoped she didn’t survive like the other girl.

Anne turned and found herself faced with the reader she’d come to know (and love) as Cathy Parr.

“What are you doing here?” Anne asked.

“I like to read up here, it’s quiet, and I’m usually alone, don’t jump off that ledge please.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because, you have your entire life ahead of you, sure your life may suck now, but think about what will happen when you get out of highschool! You’ll be free to live your own life! You’re so close Anne, just make it a little longer.”

Anne wanted to ask her if she could live if she went through her home life but paused.

“How do you know my name?”

Cathy looked away, embarrassed.

“I kind of have a crush on you, but that isn’t what we’re talking about. We’re talking about getting you off that ledge.”

Anne stared at Cathy in wonder, she liked her back…..

She liked her back!

Anne took a step off the ledge, and Cathy breathed a sigh of relief before motioning for Anne to take another. Eventually Anne was in Cathy’s arms, sobbing, in complete distress because she almost killed herself.

_ That didn't even happen _

She doesn’t remember going home with Cathy, but clearly she does and when she goes downstairs she’s met with pitying stares.

  
“I’ll just go home now.”

_ I mean, why are you laughing? _

_ Must have missed that joke let me see if I can find a reaction _

_ No, but at least you're happy _

Cathy’s father stops her and Anne immediately launches herself away from him, fear blinding her for a moment.

Cathy then walked over to her.

“Hey. We can’t let you go back there. You know why right?”

Anne stared at her, refusing to give her any more information than she already had.

  
“Anne we had to change you out of those clothes and when we did we saw all those bruises.”

Anne froze, terror washing over her as her eyes flashed between the members of the Parr family.

“We aren’t going to let your father hurt you anymore alright? It’s your father right?” Cathy probed.

Anne nodded her head silently, still afraid of speaking. Cathy made a noise before cautiously walking over to her and holding her closer, hugging her.

Anne really hoped this wasn’t some elaborate joke on her.

_ Feels like we're on the edge right now _

_ I wish that I could say I'm proud _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ Oh, I let you down _

Suddenly Anne is in court as she stares at her father, on trial. She’s called up to the stand and with a shaky voice she relays all that happened to her while under his care.

The gasps of horror from everyone in the room, including her father’s lawyer surprise her, they make her think that maybe not all fathers are like hers, cruel and unloving.

_ All these voices in my head get loud _

_ And I wish that I could shut them out _

_ I'm sorry that I let you down _

_ Oh, let you down _

Mary comes up to her, holding George, crying.

“I’m sorry.”

Anne stares at her, waiting to see if she even knows what she should be sorry for.

“I should’ve have stopped him, I should’ve helped you, I - I let you down, I’m so sorry.”

Anne tilted her head before responding with that dead voice that had become a part of her.

  
“You should be.”

And then she turned and walked away.

_ Yeah I'm sorry _

_ I'm so sorry now _

_ Yeah I'm sorry _

_ That I let you down _


End file.
